Becoming Demi (2)

Next up was a quiz.

I have a problem turning down quizzes. Whether it's a quiz to show off my knowledge of some geeky TV show (I used to be a lot better at these when I was younger), or something that's going to provide deep personal insight into whether I prefer butter or margarine, I find it hard to resist.

I'm frequently disappointed.

I'm also skeptical about personality quizzes. Generally it's possible to game them to produce the results you want. And even if you're not gaming them intentionally, you'll often put on your best face.

So I tried to be as honest as I could.

First result came in at 85 - apparently anything over 50 meant I was a demisexual.

But I wasn't entirely sure about my answers to some of the questions, so I took it again and downplayed a lot of the answers.

A meagre 75 this time.

So I took it one more time, trying to be brutally honest.

And I score 90.

This thing isn't going away.

So the next thing I do is read up on the subject. I'm going way beyond Bustle's 6 signs. I have articles that offer me 13 signs, 15 signs. I look up Gray Asexuality, I check out articles written by the mainstream press.

Everything I read confirms it. It fits with my own experiences.

And it completely upends my self-image. Everything I knew about myself is still correct - it's just that every reason I've been stumbling to ascribe to my behaviour is completely wrong.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Crush

Remember when you were a teenager, when your hormones were out of control, and when you would fall in love and it would be the best feeling in the world and the worst feeling in the world, and your whole world would revolve around the object of your desire? I never grew out of that. Thankfully, as a demi, it doesn't happen too often. I can go for months without having any interest in anyone. Then I meet someone. I'll feel little interest in them at first - at most a mild attraction,  but nothing I feel compelled to act upon. Then I get to know them, and if something clicks along the way then it's full-out internal emotional war. I have no evidence whatsoever for this, but it seems like nature is attempt to correct the imbalance with demis not feeling any sexual attraction to most of the world by overloading them when they do meet someone with whom they can experience that in some desperate attempt to ensure the perpetuation of the species. It's extremely inc...
Read more

Becoming Demi (part 3)

I outed myself. I've never been particularly big on talking about my sexual orientation (which is probably another result of being a demi). So sticking up a link on Facebook and announcing the fact to my friends and family was a bit of a weird step for me. benefit In part I did it for myself. I also felt that since this was such a useful revelation to me, it might help someone else in my circle of acquaintances. I'm going to quote from some of the responses. The first was: Probably accurate for me too but no need for labels, it’s just something that is a remnant of the age of manners.  Okay. Apparently the label comment is quite a common response. I had a brief conversation about how the label was helpful to me, discussed the difference between manners and actually being wired in a way that makes casual sex an unappealing prospect. It wasn't the best initial response, but it was a useful opening into talking about the subject. What a horrible label for bei...
Read more

Becoming Demi (Part 1)

I first learned about the term demisexual a couple of weeks ago. The term was being used by someone as a self-description. My first reaction was to wonder what it meant. I imagined someone with a reduced sex drive, or maybe something akin to bisexuality. So I did what anyone with a curious mind and access to the Internet would do; I searched for it. This is what I saw at the top of my search results: "A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a emotional connection." But that still didn't really answer my question. So I delved a little deeper. Next up in the search results was a Bustle article  - 'Here are Six Signs That You May Identify as a Demisexual' . Now Bustle's is an online magazine aimed at women, so I'm not really the targeted audience, plus I'm not a fan of  'x signs' articles, but I read it anyway. Number 1: most if not all of your relationships have started out as friendships. ...
Read more