Becoming Demi (Part 1)
I first learned about the term demisexual a couple of weeks ago. The term was being used by someone as a self-description. My first reaction was to wonder what it meant. I imagined someone with a reduced sex drive, or maybe something akin to bisexuality.
So I did what anyone with a curious mind and access to the Internet would do; I searched for it.
This is what I saw at the top of my search results:
"A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a emotional connection."
But that still didn't really answer my question. So I delved a little deeper. Next up in the search results was a Bustle article - 'Here are Six Signs That You May Identify as a Demisexual'.
Now Bustle's is an online magazine aimed at women, so I'm not really the targeted audience, plus I'm not a fan of 'x signs' articles, but I read it anyway.
Number 1: most if not all of your relationships have started out as friendships.
Seemed a reasonable position to me. After all, unless you're interested in a quick hook-up, wouldn't you want to know the person you were involved with? It didn't seem to be much of a criteria for determining sexuality.
Number 2: you frequently put more pressure on first dates than other friends.
I could also relate to this, but then how can you judge a person based on a single meeting. Don't you really need to understand who they are at their core before determining anything about whether a relationship would work with them? After all, I didn't want to end up with a Nazi. So, again, seemed like something a reasonable person might feel and not any benchmark of sexuality.
Number 3: you still feel primary sexual attraction to strangers, but it's fleeting.
Again, I'm a heterosexual person with sexual drives, I'm attracted to someone based on looks. Of course it's going to be fleeting, unless I get to know ...
Oh.
Something was starting to click.
Number 4: your crushes seem like a really big deal.
As someone who has maintained a crush for years, this one hit home. But I thought it was just because I was a little emotionally ... undeveloped?
Number 5: you have found yourself very confused in friendships.
I've had friends for whom I've fallen. And I've spent my time with the debate of do I tell them, or do I ruin the friendship? And at times I've argued over whether that's an excuse - am I friends with them because I have feelings for them, or do I have feelings for them because we're friends?
I'm still friends with some of those people, even after any romantic feelings have dissipated. So, I'm inclined towards the latter.
Number 6: people often dub you a prude
Not quite in those words - but then this is written for women, so taking it from the male perspective, I've had my sexual preference questioned, I've often felt uncomfortable with "guy talk" (although some of that is because I don't like the objectification of women ).
So that was Bustle.
Next?
So I did what anyone with a curious mind and access to the Internet would do; I searched for it.
This is what I saw at the top of my search results:
"A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a emotional connection."
But that still didn't really answer my question. So I delved a little deeper. Next up in the search results was a Bustle article - 'Here are Six Signs That You May Identify as a Demisexual'.
Now Bustle's is an online magazine aimed at women, so I'm not really the targeted audience, plus I'm not a fan of 'x signs' articles, but I read it anyway.
Number 1: most if not all of your relationships have started out as friendships.
Seemed a reasonable position to me. After all, unless you're interested in a quick hook-up, wouldn't you want to know the person you were involved with? It didn't seem to be much of a criteria for determining sexuality.
Number 2: you frequently put more pressure on first dates than other friends.
I could also relate to this, but then how can you judge a person based on a single meeting. Don't you really need to understand who they are at their core before determining anything about whether a relationship would work with them? After all, I didn't want to end up with a Nazi. So, again, seemed like something a reasonable person might feel and not any benchmark of sexuality.
Number 3: you still feel primary sexual attraction to strangers, but it's fleeting.
Again, I'm a heterosexual person with sexual drives, I'm attracted to someone based on looks. Of course it's going to be fleeting, unless I get to know ...
Oh.
Something was starting to click.
Number 4: your crushes seem like a really big deal.
As someone who has maintained a crush for years, this one hit home. But I thought it was just because I was a little emotionally ... undeveloped?
Number 5: you have found yourself very confused in friendships.
I've had friends for whom I've fallen. And I've spent my time with the debate of do I tell them, or do I ruin the friendship? And at times I've argued over whether that's an excuse - am I friends with them because I have feelings for them, or do I have feelings for them because we're friends?
I'm still friends with some of those people, even after any romantic feelings have dissipated. So, I'm inclined towards the latter.
Number 6: people often dub you a prude
Not quite in those words - but then this is written for women, so taking it from the male perspective, I've had my sexual preference questioned, I've often felt uncomfortable with "guy talk" (although some of that is because I don't like the objectification of women ).
So that was Bustle.
Next?
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